


Steak, Soup, and PBJs

by CactusPot



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Alejandro and Scott also make appearances, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, TDWriMo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CactusPot/pseuds/CactusPot
Summary: Duncan picked at his cuticles. “Well seeing as we don’t have anything to do tonight, I’ve got a killer idea: we should totally prank Heather.”~~~The Villainous Vultures have just won their first night in the Spa Hotel. But Heather's being a prick again, and Jo needs to make allies, so she teams up with Gwen and Duncan to ruin Heather's evening.
Relationships: Duncan/Gwen (Total Drama), Gwen & Duncan (Total Drama), Jo & Duncan (Total Drama)
Kudos: 12





	Steak, Soup, and PBJs

“Never thought I’d say this, but I’m in love.” Jo waved around her steak-laden fork. “I’m definitely eating this for breakfast tomorrow.”

Duncan snorted from his seat beside her. “Steak for breakfast?” he said. “Talk about overkill.”

Jo rolled her eyes and returned to her dinner. She refused to waste energy arguing when she could be eating the most delicious meat she’d ever tasted in her life.

So far, just one afternoon in the Spa Hotel was leagues better than the entirety of last summer’s competition. And, though Jo loathed giving Chris any praise, the addition of the peanut gallery had been a stroke of genius. No better way to celebrate a victory than to flaunt it in front of the losers, that was her motto.

And now the Villainous Vultures dined like royalty. Most of them, anyway. The meal’s absentees included Lightning, carted off to Boney Island, and Alejandro, who had been escorted to the spa by Chris’s hair and makeup team. _Talk_ about pretentious. 

Scott, who sat across from Jo, made a show of dumping ketchup onto his food. Because Dirtboy sat directly in her line of sight, Jo had little choice but to watch him.

“Might drop by the losers’ cabin and give Courtney my leftovers.” Using his knife, Scott spread the ketchup like butter. “Girls like that kinda stuff, right?”

Normally Jo would ignore anything that came out of Scott’s mouth, but she was flat-out confused. “Dude, _what_?”

“Courtney. On the other team. She’s kinda pretty, right?”

 _Scott’s lost his pea-sized mind_. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” It wasn’t that Jo cared about Scott’s doomed romantic endeavors, but it was best to keep him away from Courtney; Jo didn’t want to deal with an inter-team alliance this early in the game.

“She’d probably bite your head off,” Jo added. “Like she did to Gwen.” She pointed her fork at the offending teammate, who sat beside Scott. “Killer flowers, _Suck-up_.”

Gwen scowled. “Mind your own business, Jo.”

“Yeah.” Duncan jumped in like a loyal guard dog. “Lay off her.”

“I’m just saying.” Jo shrugged at him. “If your girlfriend didn’t have any luck with Type A, Scott’s ‘chances with her are in the toilet.”

Farmboy set down his utensils. “Like you know anything about dating.”

“I sure know more than you,” Jo sneered without a second thought. She knew absolutely nothing about relationships, but she was confident that Scott, being _Scott_ , knew less-than-nothing.

Duncan opened his mouth to add unneeded input, but a loud cough silenced them all. Jo looked past Duncan and Gwen at their final teammate sitting at the head of the table.

“Can you all be _quiet_ , please?” Heather commanded. “You are _all_ asocial losers who don’t know the first thing about dating. And therefore, it would be nice if you keep your mouths shut.”

“Whatever, Heather,” Gwen and Duncan said in unison. They exchanged cutesy grins and leaned across the table to fistbump.

Jo would’ve told them to knock off the PDA, but Heather kept talking. “If we’re looking at the bigger picture, my experience with relationships speaks to my many, _many_ positive qualities that outweigh all of yours combined.”

Scott raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “What’s your point?”

“My point is that you should all listen to me, no questions asked.” Heather toyed with her fork as she spoke.

“Who died and made _you_ captain?” Jo wrinkled her nose. “I’m not taking orders from you, Crop Top.”

“We need to keep winning, and I’m the best person to ensure that,” Heather said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Can’t we just work as a team?” Gwen muttered. “We didn’t have a captain on the Gophers, the Grips, _or_ the Amazons. If we didn’t need a captain then, we certainly don’t need one now.”

Jo disagreed entirely with Gwen, mostly because she definitely planned on taking control of the Vultures herself. Still, that required deplatforming Heather, and _that_ required getting the rest of the team on her side.

“Gothie’s right. Take your political campaign elsewhere, Old Heather.”

Heather pursed her lips and stood up. “Fine. _I’m_ going to try out the masseuse Chris mentioned earlier. Dinner with you freaks was getting stale, anyways.”

“You didn’t even finish your food!” Jo yelled out, eyeing the half-eaten steak lying on Heather’s plate.

“Um, it’s called a diet?” Heather waved a dismissive hand as she disappeared into the hallway. “ _Duh_.”

 _Waste of good steak_. Jo would’ve taken it for herself, except it was Heather’s and therefore possibly poisoned. Scott didn’t have the same foresight; he took her leftovers and scampered off, either to hit on Courtney or to stash it in his dorm room. Good riddance; Jo had been getting sick of looking at him.

“ _Ugh_. I thought she’d mellow out by now,” Gwen commented, glaring at the doorway through which Heather had exited. “Seriously, get off your high horse!”

“Heather thinks she’s so great,” Jo snarked after taking a bite of her steak. “I just _know_ she can’t bench press more than eighty pounds.”

“Um, yeah.” Gwen looked at her flatly. “That’s the dealbreaker.”

Duncan picked at his cuticles. “Well seeing as we don’t have anything to do tonight, I’ve got a killer idea: we should totally prank her.”

Gwen’s eyes lit up with mischievous humor. “I’m listening.”

“ _I’m_ not,” Jo countered. “Pranks are for dweebs, and I’m not a dweeb.” She’d rather be on a night run or setting a new push-up record.

“Aw, don’t say that!” Duncan leaned in, a conspiratorial smirk on his face. “First of all, I’m not a dweeb, so don’t ever say that again.”

 _No promises_ , Jo thought.

“And second of all, pranking her will totally put Heather in her place.”

“Humble her,” Gwen added helpfully.

Jo looked from Duncan to Gwen and back again. “Well when you put it like that, I’m in.”

“Alright!” Duncan held up a hand, and Jo half-smiled as she high fived him. _This is perfect. We’re taking Heather down_ and _I get an in with Gwen and Duncan. Two birds with one stone_.

“Okay okay okay.” The cheeky grin on Gwen’s face suggested she was in her element. “What are we gonna do? Water bucket over the bedroom door?”

“Babe, I’m disappointed.” Duncan shook his head. “That’s way too clichè. We need to think bigger, like leaving spiders in her bed!”

“I’m not going outside to collect spiders.” Jo folded her arms. “Plus, Gwen and I have to sleep in the same room. What if the spiders get into _my_ bed? Yuck.”

“Throw her clothes out the window?” Duncan suggested. “That’s always a classic.”

“Double yuck.” Jo mimed gagging. “I’m not going anywhere near Heather’s skimpy outfits.”

“Gotta side with Jo on this one,” Gwen added.

Duncan huffed. “Then what’s your great idea, huh?”

While Jo considered her answer, their mustachioed butler arrived.

“Are you finished with your meals?” He nodded at the plates before them.

“Yeah, dude,” Duncan said.

Jo watched the butler stack their plates. He’d no doubt bring them back to the kitchen. _Hmmm, the kitchen_ … The cogs turned in her brain. 

“Guess you’ve got nothing,” Duncan said dryly.

Jo looked from the retreating butler to her teammates. “Duncan, go figure out where Alejandro is. Once you’ve found him, meet Gwen and me in the kitchen.”

“Why the kitchen?” Gwen tilted her head, clearly lost.

“‘Cause I have an idea,” Jo said. “And it’s gonna be great.”

* * *

Duncan joined them in the kitchen ten minutes later with information on Alejandro’s whereabouts. When they were all there, Jo briefed them on her brilliant idea. Twenty minutes later, after hammering out the details, the group relocated to the dorm hall on the second floor.

Standing outside the girls’ room, Jo and Gwen held the fruits of their kitchen labors: Gwen held a plastic baggie filled with a peanut-butter-and-jelly mix. Jo herself held a thermos of poorly-made soup. Cooking wasn’t one of her strengths, but that would remain a secret; the soup wasn’t for consumption.

“This is going to be sick,” Duncan muttered.

“She’s gonna lose it,” Jo agreed, glancing over at Gwen. “You’re all set, right?”

Gwen nodded. “Obviously. This ain’t my first prank rodeo.”

Before Jo could point out how dumb that sentence sounded, Duncan shushed them. “She’s coming!”

The distinctive clack of Heather’s wedges supported his claim. Jo and Gwen ducked behind the nearest corner so they could eavesdrop out-of-sight.

“ _Duncan_. What are you doing outside my room, creep?”

“First of all, your room is right next to my room, so I’m not _technically_ doing anything wrong.”

 _Get on with it_ , Jo thought. If this was how he sweet-talked cops, it was no wonder he’d been to juvie so many times.

“Second, I have a message from Alejandro. Dude sent me to tell you he’s waiting for you at the hot tub.”

“No he’s not!” Heather sneered.

Jo almost risked glancing around the wall just so she could glimpse Heather’s peeved expression.

“Uh, yeah, he is,” Duncan said. “Gwen and I went down there—it’s a sweet makeout spot, y’know?”

 _Gross_ , Jo mouthed to Gwen. Vampire Wannabe stuck her tongue out.

“Alejandro was already there, though,” Duncan continued. “Asked me to relay the message to you.”

“And just _why_ would Alejandro want to meet with me?”

“Like I said. Sweet makeout spot.”

 _Gross to the max_. Okay, that did it for Jo. She hadn’t been planning on using the hot tub, but now she’d definitely be avoiding it.

Heather must’ve shot Duncan a killer glare because his tone changed. “Chill! I’m kidding. Dude probably just wants to talk strategy with you.”

“Get lost,” Heather snapped.

“Was just leaving, sweetheart.”

Moments later, Duncan rounded the corner and joined them. The trio waited a beat before glancing around the wall. Heather’s back was to them as she sauntered back the way she had come.

“Aaaand she took the bait,” Duncan said smugly.

Jo shrugged. “You didn’t do half bad.”

When they returned to the main hallway, Duncan elbowed Gwen. “Do your thing, babe.”

Her hand on the door handle, Gwen sighed. “I _wish_ I could see her reaction.”

“I’ll steal the footage from Chris,” Duncan promised her. “Just for you, Pasty.”

“Heh, thanks.”

Jo pursed her lips. Duncan and Gwen were starting to freak her out.

“Okay, okay. Break up the love fest,” she demanded. “We’ve got a job to do.”

Gwen disappeared into the girls’ room. Jo and Duncan, meanwhile, strolled down the hall en route to the hot tub. The important part was trailing far enough behind that Heather wouldn’t notice them.

“Scale of one to ten, how embarrassed do you think she’s gonna be?” Duncan whispered as they walked.

“Definite nine,” Jo said. Though she hadn’t participated in World Tour, she had watched it. “For all that talk about experience, Heather is a flustered mess around Señor Spaniard.”

Duncan stifled a laugh. “Truth.”

“So if we lose, are you gonna vote out one of them?” Jo asked. It was an abrupt subject-change, but hey. Strategy was strategy.

“Dunno yet.” Duncan shrugged.

“‘Cause _maybe_ we should form a pact or something to vote off Heather—”

“Dude, can’t this wait ‘til tomorrow?” Duncan raised his pierced brow. “Pranks are about fun and relaxation, not strategizing.”

So much for trying to get a lead in the game. “Ugh, fine. Have it your way.”

“That’s the spirit.”

At the end of the hall, Heather opened the double doors and disappeared outside.

“Oh man, this is where it gets good!” Duncan grinned.

They sprinted to the end of the hall. Duncan gingerly cracked the door just enough so they could eavesdrop undetected. Jo pressed her face to the wall and watched.

Aleandro sat in the hot tub; he’d shaved his stubble, trimmed his hair, and appeared much more composed than he had when she’d carried him up the stairs earlier.

Jo still didn’t see the appeal.

Heather marched over to Alejandro. “ _Yes_? What do you want?”

Alejandro raised a coy eyebrow. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I got your stupid little message.”

“I didn’t send a message,” Alejandro said smoothly. “Are you making up excuses to see me? How cute.”

“ _Huh_?” Heather gawked; Jo stifled a laugh. “I am not making excuses! Duncan told me you were waiting here for me. _Clearly_ , he was messing with me!”

“I haven’t spoken to Duncan, but I suppose in a certain sense he is not wrong.” Alejandro didn’t miss a beat. “Why don’t you join me? We have a lot to discuss.”

Heather babbled for a moment before she found her voice. “No way! As if! _You wish_. I’d rather die.”

Alejandro clucked his tongue. “Such a shame. The water is quite nice.” He splashed the water to prove his point.

“I hope you drown!” Heather snapped.

She turned on her heel, and Jo and Duncan ducked out of the doorway.

“Break a leg,” Duncan whispered before he sprinted off.

T-minus three seconds before impact. Jo unscrewed her soup thermos’s cap. Duncan ducked behind another corridor.

An incensed Heather barrelled through the door moments later.

“Hey, Heather.” Jo loosened her grip on the thermos. “What’s got your ponytail in a twist?”

“None of _your_ business, newbie,” Heather snapped.

Right as Heather passed by, Jo jerked her hand. Soup sloshed out of the thermos and doused the front of Heather’s top.

Heather’s face contorted. “You did that on purpose!”

“My bad.” Jo didn’t bother with faux sincerity. She was too busy smirking at Heather’s rage.

“You are going to make a _powerful_ enemy, Jo,” Heather seethed. She picked off tiny carrot pieces and flung them at Jo.

Jo brushed off the carrots. “Sure, whatever. Ask me if I care.”

She cackled as Heather power-walked down the hall. There was something so satisfying about harassing her enemies.

Seconds later, Duncan emerged from his hiding spot. “She looks _mad_.”

Jo strolled over. “Couldn’t’ve timed it better.” She glanced into the thermos, which hadn’t been fully emptied. “Hey, want the rest of this soup?”

“Pass.” Duncan pushed the thermos away. “Smells worse than Scott. C’mon, let’s get back to Gwen.”

* * *

They camped outside the bathroom and played Go Fish with the card deck Duncan had retrieved from the guys’ room. Any moment now, Heather would discover the final installment of their prank. Jo and her teammates would be front and center to witness the meltdown.

“Got any twos?” Jo asked Duncan.

With a dramatic sigh, Duncan tossed his two at her. Jo set down her new pair and asked Gwen for a five.

Gwen shook her head. “Go fish.”

As Jo drew another card, a whistling tune caught her ear. She looked up to see Scott approaching.

“Hey team,” he said.

Duncan nodded at him. “‘Sup.”

“Where were you, Carrothead?” Jo asked, not that she really cared. “Rolling around in the dirt?”

“Courtney and Zoey kicked me out of the losers’ cabin,” Scott admitted. He sat down next to Jo; she scooted away immediately.

“Why are you guys playing cards outside the bathroom?”

Gwen and Duncan exchanged a glance, then they both looked at Jo.

Jo shrugged. “We’re waiting for Heather to come out.”

“Why?”

“Reasons.”

Gwen asked for a three; Jo begrudgingly tossed the card over.

“What reasons?” Scott asked.

“None of your business reasons,” Jo answered, squinting at him.

“Fine, _don’t_ tell me what’s going on.” Scott hopped to his feet. “I’m going to bed.”

“Sweet dreams,” Duncan cooed sarcastically as Scott walked away. Gwen giggled and nudged him playfully.

 _C’mon Heather, get your butt out here_. Duncan and Gwen didn’t totally suck, but Jo wasn’t sure how much more subtle PDA she could take.

Her plea was answered by a shriek from inside the background.

“Sick!” Duncan crowed, pumping a fist in the air. 

The bathroom door flew open moments later. Heather emerged wearing a towel wrap and a cracking sheet mask. Most importantly, her dripping-wet hair was covered in globs of peanut butter and jelly.

Jo burst out laughing, as did Duncan. Heather looked _ridiculous_.

“Hey Heather,” Gwen gasped between giggles.

“Give me my shampoo back!” Heather shrieked.

Duncan held up his hands. “Don’t know where it is.”

Heather’s lower eyelid twitched. “ _Fine_.” She charged down the hall in a very undignified manner.

Jo was howling. “We got her good!”

“We _so_ did,” Duncan cackled.

“Oh, man.” Gwen wiped away tears “I’ve _missed_ messing with her.”

Jo hadn’t been expecting to have such a good time on a team with wannabes and weaklings. But here she was, laughing at Heather’s misfortunes in the company of some punks dweebs who actually knew how to have a good time.

 _I’m gonna prank my sister when I get home_ , Jo decided as their laughter subsided. Turns out, pranking wasn’t just for dweebs.

Looking just as mad as she’d been thirty seconds ago, Heather reappeared at the end of the hallway. As she drew closer, Jo noticed a tiny green bottle in Heather’s hands.

“Give me back my shampoo, _Gwen_ ,” Heather demanded.

Gwen’s eyes widened. “Heather, that’s my last bottle of Azure Demon Tears!”

Heather had taken Gwen’s hair dye hostage? _Really_?

“Don’t think I won’t toss this all down the drain.” Heather unscrewed the lid of the dye bottle.

“Fine! Wait!” Gwen withdrew a ziplock bag filled with Heather’s actual shampoo and tossed it to her. “Jeez, take a joke.”

“Yeah,” Jo added, just to annoy Heather further. “Gwen’s not gonna acknowledge your ‘leadership’ if you throw her hair dye out.”

With an infuriated huff, Heather hurled the bottle at Gwen. 

“You two”—she pointed at Duncan and Gwen—“were already social rejects. But you—” Heather spun and leveled a glare at Jo. “You are going to _regret_ this, newbie. I am going to make your life miserable.”

Jo shrugged. “If you say so.” As _if_ Heather had any power over her.

Heather, clutching the shampoo baggie, stole one last look at Gwen. “Guess you’re a real villain, huh?” She walked dramatically into the bathroom, and the door swung shut behind her.

“Pranking is a morally neutral action!” Gwen insisted. “I’m not a villain!”

 _Here we go again_. Jo rolled her eyes. “It’s not that deep. Miss I-Peaked-In-High-School got what she deserved.” 

Duncan grinned at her. “That’s a good one. I like that one.”

Jo returned his smirk. “I’ve got plenty more where that came from.”

Duncan collected his playing cards from them. “Y’know, for a first-time prankster, you didn’t do half bad.”

Ah, praise. She never got tired of it. And since she was now on good terms with both Duncan and Gwen—“Does that mean you’ll join my alliance?”

Gwen’s eyebrows rose. “Um, no?”

Duncan patted Jo’s shoulder. “I’m still off the clock, kid.”

 _I’ll try again tomorrow_. No need to rush them. Sooner or later, they'd vote out Heather, Alejandro, and Lightning.

“Okay, I know dinner was an hour ago, but does anyone wanna go get dessert?” Gwen asked. “We gotta take advantage of McLean’s hospitality as much as we can.”

Duncan bumped his shoulder against Gwen’s, a nonverbal ‘yes’ to her suggestion. Jo tried not to stare. It was weird how they did that; like they had their own secret language or something.

“You comin’, Jo?” Duncan asked.

Jo shrugged. “Sure,” she said before following them off to another adventure.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Total Drama Writers' Month week two prompt: 'BrOTP.' Because *clenches fist* Jo and Duncan (and Gwen) should've been friends in All Stars. Jo literally gets so excited that someone finally appreciates her killer zingers! They high fived during the elimination ceremony! Fresh did us dirty by sending Jo home in episode three smh.


End file.
